Years ago, my mother, my sister and I spent one Christmas with my grandmother on my mother’s side. It wasn’t too bad, she gave me some of these comics books. They were pretty lame. I think I still have them around in a drawer somewhere.

Anyway, it was the end of the day and we were all on my grandmother’s doorstep saying goodbye as we were heading out to the car to go back home. I was pretty anxious to get out of there. 

Then, my grandmother leans forward and puckers out her lips at me, a sign little kids everywhere recognize, meaning she wanted me to turn my head to the side so she could plant a big sloppy gross grandma kiss on my cheek. 

A LITTLE ABOUT ME: I have some kind of weird social impairment. I don’t know what it is, I’m sure it’s not Asperger’s or anything, but basically it stems from the fact that, even though I consider myself a “smart” person, I am the complete opposite of what you would call a “quick thinker”.

I can never think of what to say or do when I’m in the moment because I find interacting with people takes place far too quickly for me. I need time to slowly deliberate everything I do. So a lot of times, especially when I’m in an awkward or uncomfortable situation, I find I have to shut my brain off and act/speak on impulse just to keep up with things people are saying to me and the cues I’m being given. And the results are usually mortifying. 

So instead of turning my head to the side, I kissed my grandmother on the lips. Please forgive me for not wanting to draw this.

I spent the entire car ride home feeling disgusted with myself for doing something so repulsive and taboo. 

Also, for the record, this is the same grandmother who gave me a bottle of shampoo as a Christmas present the earlier year.

Happy Holidays!

~Max G